Forms of abuse that seemed distinct to being bisexual were provided within the context of sexual boundaries. These boundaries were either controlled or broken by the abusive partner. For instance, during an abusive relationship, some of the female participants had engaged with either closed or open polyamorous relationships at some point. Rather than providing participants with the opportunity to experience variety in their sexual partners, Rachel acknowledged that this phenomenon provided her male heterosexual partner the chance to use her sexuality as a form of control:
“…when we were initially poly when he tried to enforce gender monogamy on me. And so that he was … so that I was only allowed to see women, apart from him. And he could see women because he was straight and so he didn’t have an option. But because I was bi, I should only see women.”
Although Bethany’s male partner did not explicitly enforce gender monogamy within their closed polyamorous relationship, jealousy emerged in the form of control during intimate occasions:
“[H]e was very jealous and critical of what we were doing and if he thought
that in any way he was being left out or overlooked then …. And that meant that we engineered it as such that we always put him first.”
For many participants, having a monogamous, closed relationship was something they were denied because they were bisexual. It was assumed by their partners that they would be more receptive to engaging with multiple-partner sex relationships and would be less disapproving of their partners’
adulterous behaviors. Elsbeth attributed this misconception of bisexuality to the media[…]
This ignorance about Elsbeth’s sexuality became “dangerous” for her when she found herself in a relationship in which her sexual boundaries were ignored. She was coercively worn down in consenting to something she did not want to do; this demonstrated how her needs were consistently denied in the relationship[…]
Biphobia was another tool partners used to undermine and control their bisexual partners, during and after the relationship. Being ‘outed’ by a romantic partner to friends and family was something Rachel had experienced as a threat and as a form of punishment:
“He came back, a day or so later and my father, [ ] let him in and so, while they were talking in the kitchen because he was telling my father all sorts of things, including about my sexuality because I hadn’t actually come out to my father about because he’s quite religious.”
Her partner told her on multiple occasions that she was “not normal,” and that he intended to expose her sexuality within a legal context to discredit her capacity as a mother:
“[ ] when we came back to the property when he had gone, erm, I found that he had taken all of my back copies of Bi Community News and when I asked him why, [ ] he had said that he had taken them, and I said “why” because he’s not bi, and he said “evidence.””
“Filling the Silence: Exploring the Bisexual Experience of Intimate Partner Abuse,” Sarah Head and Martin Milton, Journal of Bisexuality, 2014.
The LGBT community is one of the most impressive and active communities in Albania and I really respect this a lot. I just wanted to add to that we will be here for you for the other part of the journey
Small (big) life update for friends here (or those who are merely curious): my fiancée and I very suddenly moved out of a living situation that was awful for our mental health. It wasn’t an impulsive decision, but it was quick.
We’re fortunate; we’re staying with her folks while we search for jobs and I finish my first academic monograph. While it’s a big improvement, it’s obviously not how we want to live. So, I’m trying to move forward on my novel and get it in front of some agents – I’ve already picked several who seem like they’ll be ideal for my work. However, I’m at the point where I have almost nothing left in my bank accounts, with no prospect of quick employment on the horizon. (If employers get back to you, they take forever, amirite.)
‘Wait, bank accounts?’ you ask. Well, I’m not loaded. I’m a transatlantic Frankenstein’s monster of scholarship. I lived for four years in the UK and had every intention of securing a new visa (after already getting an extremely rare one after my PhD was completed). Then Brexit happened. I cannot overstate how difficult it made things.
To make a complex, very painful story short, I’ve now moved twice in less than six months. When either of us gets work, that will mean another move. I’ve left behind so many of my own possessions, not to mention a place that felt like home, but couldn’t be, due to politics and bigotry. I’m tired, I’m scared, and I just want good things to come of all these ‘bad’ situations and emotions. That’s where the novel comes in, I think. I’ve always been a writer; I tell stories to make myself feel better. On the other hand, though, it could also be a source of income. I know it’s good enough to be viable on the market (with editorial help, of course).
Anyway, all of that to say, I know Patreon encourages people not to use ‘needy’ language, but I am cultivating my Patreon for an acute reason and I see no need to hide that. (I’ve also got a Ko-Fi page for those who would prefer to make one-off contributions.)
Thanks for the reblogs, y’all. It means a lot!
[Image Description: A drawing of Karl Heinrich Ulrichs, a white German man with medium length dark hair and a goatee.]
But he himself defined his role within the queer movement quite beautifully, saying, “I am proud, that I found the courage to deal the initial blow to the hydra of public contempt.” (Read full article)
A life is more than the sum of its parts. As we dive into the life of Carlos Jáuregui we find this to be particularly evident. An Argentinian man who, while ambitious and accomplished, did not get the time to build the life he deserved left a legacy that will span out farther than he could have imagined. (Read Full Article)
Reminder that we rely on the support from our audience to continue this project. And we would really appreciate some of that incredible support right now more than ever, so if you can please send us a one time donation to help keep us going.
We could really use some donations right now!
Hey! We really need patrons right now!
To continue this project we really need your support! We want to keep bringing you great content, but we also need to be paid. So please, become a patron at our patreon!
I’m not afraid. When you have to live a lie because of society’s attitudes – when you can’t get what you want – you take whatever you can.
“The first thing that was clear for both of us was our shared wish to have a child; I told him that I was looking for a father for my children and that this would be the purpose of our marriage. Being a woman in Algeria is difficult, but being a single mother is even harder!”
Amelle could have decided to adopt, but – as in many other countries – it is a long and drawn out process for couples in Algeria. It is especially hard if you are single. “Before, Farid had taken steps to adopt alone, but as a single man, he didn’t succeed, so we’re going to start a kind of homoparental family,” said Amelle. “There’s no reason why I should have a heterosexual sex life. My gynecologist knows I’m a lesbian and she said she’d organise everything – she knows the whole story.”
As soon as Amelle and Farid agreed what they were going to do, everything went quite quickly. She introduced Farid to her family. “He’s a very nice chap. My family loved him and immediately adopted him as one of their own,” Amelle recalled. He followed tradition by coming with his parents to ask for Amelle’s hand in marriage. They got engaged in March 2017, and are planning on tying the knot in February 2018.
Like Farid, Amelle has never come out. “Other than close friends, no one knows he’s gay – it’s a bit like me! I’ve got a few cousins who know and support me. My relatives said it was a good thing that I’m getting married so I can carry on living a quiet life. As for my mother, I’m sure that – even if she doesn’t let on – she knows.” Amelle insists on her happiness, on the “relief” she feels since she got engaged.